Dayton stimulus request includes prostitution plan

Couldn’t they just put in a few McDonalds, or maybe a Starbucks?

Actually the story is about ridding the city of prostitution but its hard to tell based solely on the headline.

“Man fatally shot by Dayton officer was released from Twin Valley”

Which begs the question, where does a fatally shot man go?

Not everyone’s favorite comic, but he made me remember, he made me think, and he made me laugh. From his Catholic school stories, to Al Sleet (the Hippy Dippy Weatherman), to the meaning of words and how people use them, he always had a passion for what he said and he knew how to say it.

Thanks George, you will be missed.

Cemetery full, mayor tells locals not to die

“BORDEAUX, France (Reuters) – The mayor of a village in southwest France has threatened residents with severe punishment if they die, because there is no room left in the overcrowded cemetery to bury them.

It added: “Offenders will be severely punished.”"

What else can I say, really?

“Don’t you think its odd to have a candlelight vigil for victims of a fire?”

Just something to think about.

“Books burned to protest reading decline”

Maybe if there are less books the decline in reading won’t look so bad. Things that make you go hmmm.

“No ruling yet on cause of death in Friday police shooting”

That is an actual Dayton Daily News headline today for a story about the Montgomery County Coroner’s Office and a recent local incident.

Now, I am no coroner, but I am guessing the cause of death in the shooting was bullets.

Flatulence Forces Plane to Land

NASHVILLE, Tenn. — It is considered polite to light a match after passing gas. Not while on a plane.

An American Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing Monday morning after a passenger lit a match to disguise the scent of flatulence, authorities said.

The Dallas-bound flight was diverted to Nashville after several passengers reported smelling burning sulfur from the matches, said Lynne Lowrance, spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority. All 99 passengers and five crew members were taken off and screened while the plane was searched and luggage was screened.

The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal a “body odor,” Lowrance said. She had an unspecified medical condition, authorities said.

“It’s humorous in a way but you feel sorry for the individual, as well,” she said. “It’s unusual that someone would go to those measures to cover it up.”

The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane. The woman, who was not identified, was not charged in the incident.

Police Shoot Student in St. Louis Suburb
ST. LOUIS — Police shot and wounded a student at a suburban school Wednesday after he pointed a gun at himself…

Yes, that’s actually what it said. It goes on to say he pointed the gun at the police also, and that is what prompted them to shoot him, but the headline emphasised him pointing it at himself.

The wounds were not life-threatening. Thankfully, the police’s aim is as bad as the student’s, or maybe a lot better.

I don’t know if you have ever heard of the Darwin Awards but they have been defined as awards that “salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who remove themselves from it in really stupid ways.” The following 3 stories just seem to fit:

Good

Beter

Best

And in the Dumbass Category

Whoever thought that guard dogs at the museum was a good idea…