Kids Say, v.12.0

Tonight after dinner at my Mother-In-Laws house, we were sitting around just chatting about the days events. I was talking about a website I created for my uncle that was having issues.

“Uncle Peter’s site went down” I said, followed closely by “he texted and asked me to call but since I was in the office and didn’t have his files, I didn’t.”

Hannah, who was standing next to the table with this look of anguish on her face said, “He’s blind!?”

We all looked at her with the, huh? look and I said “what sweetie? Is who blind?” to which she replied, “well, you said his sight went down so I thought Uncle Peter was blind.”

We all laughed, as I tried to explain that his website had stopped working. Hannah got mad because we laughed. Maybe one day she will see the humor.

Steelers Lost…. watch how you say that!

I was Christmas shopping in a department store and was checking out, being assisted by an older woman. Her appearance made me think she might be Pentecostal, I mean, she had the PHD, the glasses, the outfit etc…. not that it matters, I am just trying to set the scene.

She was sharing the register with a much younger woman, hip, well dressed etc… who had just gotten off the phone. She turned to the older woman and said, ‘Steelers lost.’

The older woman got this kind of confused look on her face and said ‘who Steelers’ or something like that, and the younger woman replied ‘the Pittsburgh Steelers’ with this duh, everybody knows that, attitude.

I saw a look of relief on the older woman’s face as she said, ‘oh, my dogs name is Steeler.’

I just had to laugh. It was one of those Abbott and Costello moments you only see on TV.

NKR (not quite right) v.1.0

While I was mobilized I spent 3 weeks in Malaysia which a Navy colleague refered to as the ‘Land of NKR (not quite right)’. I actually thought it was fine but his title did inspire me start gathering my own NKR moments. Here is the first installment of things I noticed on my recent vacation to Florida over the Thanksgiving break:

Its just not the same…

Walking in a Winter Wonderland really looses its meaning when played on steel kettledrums at the beach.

Words on the butt…

We have all seen those bathing suits with words written on the bottoms like Cheer, Pink etc… When a toddler is wearing one that has been pulled up over an obviously full swim diaper, it takes on a whole new meaning when it says JUICY.

Can you hear her now?

I spotted an elderly Amish women in traditional Amish attire, with bonnet, riding an adult size tricycle while talking on a cell phone.

Have any NKR moments to share?

Out of the mouths of Babes…

Having me as a father gives the children an early education on the fine art of sarcasm, but Hannah hasn’t grasped all the nuances quite yet.

Last night on the ride home from dance class, an NPR correspondent was talking about trying to book a hotel room for the upcoming inauguration and said; “If you want to get depressed, Google Washington D.C., hotels and inauguration.” My beautiful half-full child responded, “why would you WANT to get depressed?”

If she can see that, why can’t NPR? :)

Kids Say, v.11.0… a twofer (maybe 3)

For some reason, the kids have just been funny the last few days, for example:

Last night while on the way to Grandma’s house I was scanning the new Sirius lineup in my truck. I landed on a French station and just for fun, I asked the kids what language they were speaking. Hannah piped up right up, I mean within a second and said “French!” followed closely by a “huahn, huahn, hauhn…” That’s probably not spelled right but picture a snooty Frenchman laughing, very funny stuff.

Well tonight, we went out to eat at a local restaurant and bar that has some great burgers. On Saturday they have live music and Noah, my 12 year old guitar aficionado really wanted to hear the band play. They started at eight so I didn’t make any promises and told him we’d just wait and see if we were going to stay that long.

While we ate, we were talking about what kind of music the band might sing. Considering the neighborhood and the bar I said they might be rock or country. Around 7:30 we were still eating and two guys came in to set up, one guy wearing a football jersey and backwards ballcap and the other a leather coat and cowboy hat. Noah leaned over to me and said “cowboy hats are never a good sign.”

They got the equipment set up and tested, and did the mandatory strumming of the guitars and the “check, check, check” to which Hannah replied, “why do they always play that song.”

We listened for a few songs, there were two acoustic guitars and they did covers, not too bad really. They played Hotel California for Noah and he told me they were doing power cords, like, I would know the difference. On the way out he said “at least they weren’t one of those country bands that make your ears bleed.”

You think they try to be funny or are just naturally gifted like their Dad? ;)

Kids Say, v.10.0

Had a few this week:

We had no power for three days due to a wind storm last Sunday. After two and a half days we had to empty the fridge because of spoilage and we put a candle in the fridge so we could see since it was dark outside. Hannah said, is it safe to put a candle in the fridge and I said ‘don’t worry honey, it goes out when you close the door’. I know thats not a kids say but the look on her face was priceless.

When the power returned it was dark and the people across the street had lights on on just the first floor. When Hannah saw that the second floor was dark she said “the people across the street only got half their power back.”

Finally Noah, the fair-haired boy who just entered 7th grade remarked; “I’m afraid I am going to have to start shaving before the end of seventh grade.” Not funny to you probably but he was serious and bowling balls need shaves more than he does.

I am afraid to admit that the Kids Say are fewer and farther in between. They are just growing up too fast.

Kids Say, v.9.0

Went for a walk at lunch with Hannah who rode her bike. As we went through the neighborhood I noticed she was having trouble stopping so I checked her brakes, commenting to her that one of them needed to be adjusted.

She said ok and then asked, ‘can you tell me how to turn on my blinker?’ ‘Your blinker’ I asked. ‘Yes, that big shiny square on the front and back.’

I laughed, as often happens during our conversations, and said, ‘those are reflectors.’ ‘Oh’, she said, ‘whats a reflector?’

As much as I enjoy watching her grow, I am going to miss these times even more.

Kids Say, v.8.0

‘Kids Say’ worthy quotes are fewer and farther in between, but occasionally one of the kids comes up with one. The most recent both came from Hannah.

Crisis in the Middle Ages

I overheard Hannah laughing in the back seat of the car and when I asked her why she said, “I just saw an old man in a sporty car. He is having a middle age crisis.”

What kind of fish is that?

While at the grocery we decided to have fish for dinner and Hannah helped us pick out what kind of fish we were going to have. Before we even started cooking, Noah asked what was for dinner and we replied fish. “What kind” he asked and Hannah replied “caught fish.” My wife and I both cracked up and through our laughter we said, “no Sweetie, its cod fish.”

She is funny without even trying… at least to us.