humor – Mike Ward

Sarcasm, on a 4 year old?

I was sitting in a local ice cream shop, enjoying a treat and casually watching the two little girls at the table next to us enjoying their ice cream cones. About two-thirds of the way through her ice cream, the older of the two, who may have been four, got this panicked look on her face and said, “Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom….really bad. I don’t know if I can make it.” The mom, who was trying to enjoy her sundae, got up with this frustrated look on her face and said, really sarcastically, “well, why didn’t you wait till the last minute?” As the little girl was pee-pee dancing her way toward the bathroom, I heard her say, “I did!”

Well mom, you asked.

The birds and the bees revisited…

The comic from B.C. this morning made me laugh, and reminded me of this conversation with Noah that seems like it was forever ago; http://mikeward.com/the-birds-and-the-bees/ Enjoy both :)

crbc130718

All the news that’s fit to tweet, almost

I monitor my Twitter and Facebook streams in a program called TweetDeck and have one column dedicated to news with tweets from local, national and international news. A few of the tweets last week seemed just a bit off to me, so I thought I would share.

Fight Childhood!? Weren’t you one once?

A local TV network tweeted to help one of their charity partners get a grant to fight childhood. When I pointed out the unfortunate truncation, they retweeted and were actually fighting childhood hunger. Fighting childhood… jeez.

Intelligent What!?

asses And Breaking News quoted (well almost) Reuters about the intelligence asses Syria used. Well, you do have to kind of be an ass to use chemical weapons.

Unlawful Murder

And not to be outdone, the BBC tweeted about a man who unlawfully killed his children before taking his own life. Makes you wonder if it is OK to lawfully kill someone in England?

Kidtionary

Sometimes, one of my children use their own words to explain a familiar English word. Today’s entry comes from Hannah.

trust·a·ble [truhst-a-bull]
adjective
deserving of trust or confidence; dependable; reliable: That guy is not trustable. : English Translation – trustworthy

Kids Say v27.0

I have been a little lax recording some Kids Say and have a few to share:

Noah, in an effort to explain his sister’s poor chore habits said, “Maybe by the time Hannah is my age she will have a little motivation, because I have a little bit.” At least he is honest ;)

Hannah, on seeing a Bolivian restaurant asked my wife why anyone would want to eat there because they would have to throw up afterward… just think about it for a moment.

Finally, this evening. Hannah was insulted and fairly verbal when she read the motivational comment on the inside for her Jones Soda cap, because it called her ‘useless’. She read it again and we all, including Hannah laughed, see below:

Kids Say v26.0

This was not from one of my kids, but it is definitely a keeper.

I was in Kroger, getting the ingredients to make my FIL peanut butter pie for his birthday, when I noticed a young boy (maybe 2), sitting in the cart, with a parent on either side of him, pulling off his shirt. I then saw the reason, he had gotten sick and it was all over him and a large puddle had formed on the floor. My heart went out to the parents, we have all been there, and they were struggling trying to get him squared away and request a cleanup on aisle 11.

I got what I needed from the aisle and started to walk away from them when I heard the boy speak. I didn’t hear the parents, but assume they said something to him like, ‘did you throw up?’, because in a loud voice I clearly heard him say, ‘I throw down’.

I literally LOL’d and turned to look at the parents. They were cracking up and even the little boy was smiling. Kids honesty and laughter, the best medicine :)

Grandma’s Say

We have had a previous installment of Grandma’s say, but this was from the other Grandma.

As we sat down to breakfast, she was telling of a ‘lovely performance she had attended put on by the Norman Tabernacle Choir.

I am beginning to see where Hannah gets it.

Kids Say v25.0

On Friday I saw a friend who mentioned he was going overseas to teach English and bring them Jesus . The kids and I were chatting after the fact and Noah said “I thought that was ‘cool’ until I found out that it was about Jesus and then I thought it was ‘really cool. ‘”

Hannah added “it would be cool to teach English in a different country. I want to go to Australia.” Oh Hannah. ;)

Kids Say, v.24.0

Noah is into Facebook, maybe a little too much, but he is doing well in school, wrestles, still plays his guitar and drums, so who am I to complain.

Anyway, last night he posted “Like this for a ‘first impression.'”, so I liked it. His reply:

“First impression: AHHHH WHYS IT SO BRIGHT?!?! AGHH THAT GUYS GIANT WAHHHHH.”

That kid cracks me up. Love you buddy.

Kids Say, v.23.0

Sunday morning, Hannah is watching ‘The Parent Trap’, the one with Lindsay Lohan. Noah is eating but can see the TV from the kitchen. I am in my office, trying to get some freelance work done, when from the other room I hear Noah say; “I know she got all drunk, and addicted to drugs and everything, but I want to know what happened to the other girl in this movie. I never hear anything about her.”

I had to stop working I was laughing so hard, and I went and gave him a hug. I love his twisted view of life.