Sarcasm, on a 4 year old?

I was sitting in a local ice cream shop, enjoying a treat and casually watching the two little girls at the table next to us enjoying their ice cream cones. About two-thirds of the way through her ice cream, the older of the two, who may have been four, got this panicked look on her face and said, “Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom….really bad. I don’t know if I can make it.” The mom, who was trying to enjoy her sundae, got up with this frustrated look on her face and said, really sarcastically, “well, why didn’t you wait till the last minute?” As the little girl was pee-pee dancing her way toward the bathroom, I heard her say, “I did!”

Well mom, you asked.

All the news that’s fit to tweet, almost

I monitor my Twitter and Facebook streams in a program called TweetDeck and have one column dedicated to news with tweets from local, national and international news. A few of the tweets last week seemed just a bit off to me, so I thought I would share.

Fight Childhood!? Weren’t you one once?

childhoodA local TV network tweeted to help one of their charity partners get a grant to fight childhood. When I pointed out the unfortunate truncation, they retweeted and were actually fighting childhood hunger. Fighting childhood… jeez.

Intelligent What!?

assesAnd Breaking News quoted (well almost) Reuters about the intelligence asses Syria used. Well, you do have to kind of be an ass to use chemical weapons.

Unlawful Murder

unlawfullyAnd not to be outdone, the BBC tweeted about a man who unlawfully killed his children before taking his own life. Makes you wonder if it is OK to lawfully kill someone in England?

Happy Veterans Day!

To all who are serving, or have served, thanks. The BC Comic from today sums it up nicely.

I was detained at the border…

…on my way into America… twice!

If you happened to read my DMV adventures and the issues I had considering my common name, you are going to love this one…

The entire family went up to Niagara Falls this past weekend for an Irish Dance competition for my daughter, and we stayed on the Canadian side. Getting into Canada was easy, a few questions, and we were on our way to the hotel. We had a nice meal and hit the hotel to rest up for the competition in New York, just over the border, the next day.

We planned ahead, got up early to allow time for traffic going south through the border crossing, and got there in a few minutes. We were relieved to see there was only one car ahead of us so we figured we would have lots of time to eat breakfast before the competition. We figured wrong.

I passed the passports to the officer and he began his review. Before I knew it, he asked me to turn off the car, hand him the keys, and then had my wife and I place our hands on the dashboard. Before I could really figure out what was going on, there were somewhere between 6 and 10 officers surrounding the vehicle, asking me to step out and follow them. I saw one of them read my retired Navy license plate and he had this kind of, ‘are we sure about this’ look on his face.

The officer who read the plate asked me questions about what I did in the Navy as we walked into the building. It reminded me of the ‘baseball questions’ they asked potential Communists back in the 50s and I was trying to figure out if I was being tested.

It was soon revealed to me that a Mike Ward from Oregon who is considered armed and dangerous is at large, and of course, they were not taking any chances. Having been through this kind of thing before, I tried to make the best of it. My family joined me in the room where we were surrounded by people from many other countries (not America), very few of which spoke any English. It was kind of a surreal event.

They cleared it up in about 20 minutes, apologized and said they were doing their job. I told them I understood, that it had happened before, at the DMV and one other time in a passport check, and then I told them that I was crossing again on Monday and asked what I could do to prevent the same thing from happening again. They said there was one thing they could do, but it probably wouldn’t be in effect by Monday, and that I should just tell them I was pulled aside on a false positive on an A&D (armed and dangerous) and see if it would help. It didn’t.

Monday came, and we repeated Saturdays schedule. This time two cars were ahead of us. We waited, pulled up, I passed him the passports, told the man what they told me to tell them, and within a minute, there were at least 6 officers headed towards my car. I heard the guy in the booth say, its OK to the approaching officers.

They had me pull over to another area, and go into a different building. The officer reviewed  the passports again and then said they would add me to the system to help prevent this from happening again. The weird thing is, I was fingerprinted, had pics taken, height, weight, and hair and eye color recorded, and had it all added to the system. It was odd that I was treated more like a criminal than an innocent civilian, and it bothered me a little that I needed to be treated that way to prove I am not the guy they were looking. And after all that, the officer could not guarantee it would not happen again. 45 minutes later, we were on our way again.

The thing is, we will probably go back again next year. They didn’t arrest me, Hannah did well in the competition, and the rest of the trip was pretty good. I guess I just have to get used to this ‘guilty until proven innocent’ world.

Editors Note: Today I got this email from an old Navy buddy who wanted to make sure the subject of the article was not me. And the headline read: “Navy Cmdr. Michael Ward II Faked Death to End Affair“. No JJ, it isn’t me, but thanks for checking in.  😉




Sometimes, one of my children use their own words to explain a familiar English word. Today’s entry comes from Hannah.

trust·a·ble [truhst-a-bull]
deserving of trust  or confidence; dependable; reliable: That guy is not trustable. : English Translation – trustworthy

Kids Say v27.0

I have been a little lax recording some Kids Say and have a few to share:

Noah, in an effort to explain his sister’s poor chore habits said, “Maybe by the time Hannah is my age she will have a little motivation, because I have a little bit.” At least he is honest 😉

Hannah, on seeing a Bolivian restaurant asked my wife why anyone would want to eat there because they would have to throw up afterward… just think about it for a moment.

Finally, this evening. Hannah was insulted and fairly verbal when she read the motivational comment on the inside for her Jones Soda cap, because it called her ‘useless’. She read it again and we all, including Hannah laughed, see below:

Kids Say v26.0

This was not from one of my kids, but it is definitely a keeper.

I was in Kroger, getting the ingredients to make my FIL peanut butter pie for his birthday, when I noticed a young boy (maybe 2), sitting in the cart, with a parent on either side of him, pulling off his shirt. I then saw the reason, he had gotten sick and it was all over him and a large puddle had formed on the floor. My heart went out to the parents, we have all been there, and they were struggling trying to get him squared away and request a cleanup on aisle 11.

I got what I needed from the aisle and started to walk away from them when I heard the boy speak. I didn’t hear the parents, but assume they said something to him like, ‘did you throw up?’, because in a loud voice I clearly heard him say, ‘I throw down’.

I literally LOL’d and turned to look at the parents. They were cracking up and even the little boy was smiling. Kids honesty and laughter, the best medicine 🙂

Grandma’s Say

We have had a previous installment of Grandma’s say, but this was from the other Grandma. 

As we sat down to breakfast, she was telling of a ‘lovely performance she had attended put on by the Norman Tabernacle Choir.

I am beginning to see where Hannah gets it.

Kids Say v25.0

On Friday I saw a friend who mentioned he was going overseas to teach English and bring them Jesus . The kids and I were chatting after the fact and Noah said “I thought that was ‘cool’ until I found out that it was about Jesus and then I thought it was ‘really cool. ‘”

Hannah added “it would be cool to teach English in a different country. I want to go to Australia.” Oh Hannah. 😉