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All the news that’s fit to tweet, almost

April 30, 2013/0 Comments/in headlines, humor/by Mike

I monitor my Twitter and Facebook streams in a program called TweetDeck and have one column dedicated to news with tweets from local, national and international news. A few of the tweets last week seemed just a bit off to me, so I thought I would share.

Fight Childhood!? Weren’t you one once?

childhoodA local TV network tweeted to help one of their charity partners get a grant to fight childhood. When I pointed out the unfortunate truncation, they retweeted and were actually fighting childhood hunger. Fighting childhood… jeez.

Intelligent What!?

assesAnd Breaking News quoted (well almost) Reuters about the intelligence asses Syria used. Well, you do have to kind of be an ass to use chemical weapons.

Unlawful Murder

unlawfullyAnd not to be outdone, the BBC tweeted about a man who unlawfully killed his children before taking his own life. Makes you wonder if it is OK to lawfully kill someone in England?

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Well that will bring in business…

December 19, 2008/0 Comments/in headlines, humor/by Mike

From the local newspaper:

Dayton stimulus request includes prostitution plan

Couldn’t they just put in a few McDonalds, or maybe a Starbucks?

Actually the story is about ridding the city of prostitution but its hard to tell based solely on the headline. 🙂

https://mikeward.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2024/12/mikewardLogoPadded.png 0 0 Mike https://mikeward.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2024/12/mikewardLogoPadded.png Mike2008-12-19 06:10:312008-12-19 06:10:31Well that will bring in business…

Released to where?

July 21, 2008/0 Comments/in headlines/by Mike

Headline in the Dayton Daily News RSS Feed today:

“Man fatally shot by Dayton officer was released from Twin Valley”

Which begs the question, where does a fatally shot man go?

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Seven words, not the dirty ones….

June 23, 2008/0 Comments/in headlines, words/by Mike

‘George Carlin died Sunday of heart failure’

Not everyone’s favorite comic, but he made me remember, he made me think, and he made me laugh. From his Catholic school stories, to Al Sleet (the Hippy Dippy Weatherman), to the meaning of words and how people use them, he always had a passion for what he said and he knew how to say it.

Thanks George, you will be missed.

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Only the French…

March 7, 2008/0 Comments/in headlines/by Mike

I don’t write this stuff. I found this one on Reuters.

Cemetery full, mayor tells locals not to die

“BORDEAUX, France (Reuters) – The mayor of a village in southwest France has threatened residents with severe punishment if they die, because there is no room left in the overcrowded cemetery to bury them.

It added: “Offenders will be severely punished.””

What else can I say, really?

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Maybe not the best way…

September 18, 2007/0 Comments/in headlines/by Mike

My wife and I were home for lunch and caught a news story about a candlelight vigil that was held for five people who lost there life in a duplex fire. In and of itself, not a remarkable event, but my wife pointed out something I had missed. She turned to me and said:

“Don’t you think its odd to have a candlelight vigil for victims of a fire?”

Just something to think about.

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How’s that gonna help!?

September 3, 2007/0 Comments/in headlines/by Mike

Another headline, this time from Kansas City, Mo:

“Books burned to protest reading decline”

Maybe if there are less books the decline in reading won’t look so bad. Things that make you go hmmm.

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Who thinks up these headlines?

July 2, 2007/0 Comments/in headlines, humor/by Mike

 

“No ruling yet on cause of death in Friday police shooting”

That is an actual Dayton Daily News headline today for a story about the Montgomery County Coroner’s Office and a recent local incident.

Now, I am no coroner, but I am guessing the cause of death in the shooting was bullets.

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Danger in the skies…

December 13, 2006/0 Comments/in headlines, humor, travel/by Mike

I didn’t make this up 🙂

Flatulence Forces Plane to Land

NASHVILLE, Tenn. — It is considered polite to light a match after passing gas. Not while on a plane.

An American Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing Monday morning after a passenger lit a match to disguise the scent of flatulence, authorities said.

The Dallas-bound flight was diverted to Nashville after several passengers reported smelling burning sulfur from the matches, said Lynne Lowrance, spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority. All 99 passengers and five crew members were taken off and screened while the plane was searched and luggage was screened.

The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal a “body odor,” Lowrance said. She had an unspecified medical condition, authorities said.

“It’s humorous in a way but you feel sorry for the individual, as well,” she said. “It’s unusual that someone would go to those measures to cover it up.”

The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane. The woman, who was not identified, was not charged in the incident.

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Oh yeah, well take that….

September 15, 2006/0 Comments/in headlines, humor/by Mike

In the headlines:

Police Shoot Student in St. Louis Suburb
ST. LOUIS — Police shot and wounded a student at a suburban school Wednesday after he pointed a gun at himself…
Read more

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